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on the 9th March 2011

Labels: kim tae yeon

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i am sitting by at the cafe . typing this post. hmmm . . . taking a short respite admidst my busy schedule.

life is fast when you want it slow.

i was looking at my friends's photos a moment ago. ( short activation of facebook account ) I realised that each and every one of us have grown so much . people come and go . my mood is rather happy . i am at ease with my inner being .

calmness that i have never felt before. maybe i know it is time for me to go soon . i am not afraid of the end .

hmmm . . . he was a close soccer friend and fan of my Arsenal club. we used to kick balls under the hot scorching afternoon sky and waste time sweating doing nonsense. he have a girlfriend now. they looked so sweet together . ha . i feel happy for him . call it envy . call it self-pity .but i guess that 2 best years of my life can never come back again.

<> playing on my ipod seems to re flect the stillness in my life. i feel peace among the raging storms in my life.

i did what i could . i am putting on a facade in front of everyone . ha . it seems like i really did fortify my defences around me . the mask is perfect. i am impervious to my surroundings so as my surroundings is to i

thank you for making the effort to read my nonsensical laments .

will there be really no suffering when a person dies ?

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exams are like in few hours . it is starting to feel as though there is someone clutching my throat with an asphyxiating grip . indeed, time speeds up irrationally and time slows down illogically today. Nonetheless, i will strive hard to do my best to study hard and keep my focus on my goal. i only see one exit right ahead . that is the exit of success. i shall achieve the glory that is fullest to my potential.

yup . once again , tae yeon's songs ( only 3 that i know of ) are playing in the background. they provide with me with the mental endurance and resilience to help me pull through such times. that is my angel for you guys again .

join soshified if you want more updates. Seohyun got into university. So exciting . since she is so busy and she still can study and go in . i believe i could .

go go go .

here is a photo of my angel " stolen " from soshified.com



credits are given to them . haha .

my vision is ensconed in the vestiges of time .

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ok . some quick updates before i go off to study . exams are coming . excited and nervous.

two videos to share.

Chocolate Love By SNSD :


Sunkist Ad in which taeyeon looks so gorgeous :


take care people. =)

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i really don't know how am i going to survive if i lose my grandma. i don 't want it to happen . who can i rely on ? who can i depend on ? who will love me tenderly ? who won't mock at me ? who will cheer me on ? in three words. i don't know.

lost.

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awesome. i can't be out of the school on friday . take that . you selfish arrogant crap. i don't need to breathe in the same air anymore. awesome. PSC scholarship is coming my way . like finally . i will work hard for it.

sing for me , my angel tae yeon.

i will do well.

i got an angel , my family and Him behind me . take that . i shall not be hindered to my climb to success. go go go

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somehow. life is imperfect i know. i have been listening to taeyeon relatively new track : " This is Love ". I would be uploading the translated lyrics during the weekends.

i have matured quite a lot. realised the facade of many people. yup, you can call me a naysayer or one who adopts a pessimistic approach towards life. but that is not the point. the paradox lies in the fact that i m a optimist instead . why , some may ask ? because i adopt a pessimistic view of friendships which is so realistic that it becomes optimistic.

no one can be truly there for you unless you are related to that person by blood. contrary to the common belief that man is a social animal, i believe that everyone of us has a sphere of our own in which no one would be able to trepass the boundary. seemingly, many people are afraid of the idea of being lonely such that the notion of loneliness is perpetuated with much distaste. take a moment to ponder.

stop bitching around behind people's back. if you believe in karma, it would do good for you. well, also try to respect others as well. i certainly try my absolute best to practice what i preach. i will not gossip about others and spread malicious information. adding on , i would not betray my own principles to gain acceptance. considering that my principals are instilled morally.

school is no doubt of paramount importance. i learnt it the hard way. it allows me to not be so myopic. it allows me to beneath the skin of the people around me . they are selfish so am i .but to what extent ?

think about it. loneliness is not a crime. backstabbing others to gain acceptance is simply disgusting.

taeyeon remains perfect in my world. that is what i chose to believe in . the idea of her being perfect gives me some hope in this world.

forgetting the sad things i mentioned above. below are two videos that bring happiness:

HaHaHa campaign by SNSD in S.K to bring smiles on people face due to the global crunch



Following is a mad video of some coke and mentos experiment



gearing up bulwart against the battle tomorrow.

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So Nyeo Shi Dae came up with this new song. Actually it is a subgroup. My angel is singing too . with another of my favourite SeoHyun.

School was just boring as usual. nothing much to update. i am going to get where i want to reach . yes , i can .

Here is the video that i uploaded to youtube :




it is entitled : Because I 'm a Girl

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rain. to some people, the rain can affects one 's mood. mood swings are more common when it is raining. i like the rain. it is so soothing for the soul. came across this set on the web. saw a few cute pictures of the web on this rainy day . it is an interview by tae yeon.

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This song is sang Taeyeon(태연)

It is titled " Can you hear me? (들리나요) "


조금만 아파도 눈물나요

jogeumman apado nunmullayo

가슴이 소리쳐요

gaseumi sorichyeoyo

그대 앞을 그대 곁을 지나면

geudae apeul geudae gyeoteul jinamyeon

온통 세상이 그대인데

ontong sesangi geudaeinde

그대만 그리는데

geudaeman geurineunde

그대 앞에선 숨을 죽여요

geudae apeseon sumeul jugyeoyo

내게 그대가 인연이 아닌 것처럼

naege geudaega inyeoni anin geotcheoreom

그저 스치는 순간인 것처럼

geujeo seuchineun sunganin geotcheoreom

쉽게 날 지나치는 그대 곁에

swipge nal jinachineun geudae gyeote

또 다가가 한 걸음조차

tto dagaga han georeumjocha

채 뗄 수 없을지라도

chae ttel su eobseuljirado

서성이게 해 눈물짓게 해..

seoseongige hae nunmuljitge hae..

바보처럼 아이처럼

babocheoreom aicheoreom

차라리 그냥 웃어버려

charari geunyang useobeoryeo

점점 다가 설수록

jeomjeom daga seolsurok

자꾸 겁이 나지만

jakku geobi najiman

이 사랑은 멈출 수가 없나봐

i sarangeun meomchul suga eomnabwa

왜 내 사랑만 더딘거죠

wae nae sarangman deodingeojyo

내 사랑만 힘들죠

nae sarangman himdeuljyo

그대 앞에 그대 곁에 있어도

geudae ape geudae gyeote isseodo

온통 세상이 그대인데

ontong sesangi geudaeinde

그대만 보이는데

geudaeman boineunde

그대 앞에선 난 먼 곳만 봐요

geudae apeseon nan meon gotman bwayo

내게 그대가 꼭 마지막 인 것처럼

naege geudaega kkok majimak in geotcheoreom

내게 마지막 순간인 것처럼

naege majimak sunganin geotcheoreom

쉽게 날 지나치는 그대 곁에

swipge nal jinachineun geudae gyeote

또 다가가 한걸음 조차

tto dagaga hangeoreum jocha

채 뗄 수 없을지라도

chae ttel su eobseuljirado

서성이게 해 눈물짓게 해

seoseongige hae nunmuljitge hae

바보처럼 아이처럼 차라리 그냥 웃어버려

babocheoreom aicheoreom charari geunyang useobeoryeo

점점 다가 설수록 자꾸 겁이 나지만

jeomjeom daga seolsurok jakku geobi najiman

이 사랑은 멈출 수가 없나봐

i sarangeun meomchul suga eomnabwa

먼 발치서 나 잠시라도

meon balchiseo na jamsirado

그대 바라볼 수 있어도

geudae barabol su isseodo

그게 사랑이죠

geuge sarangijyo

혹시 이 기다림이 이 그리움이

hoksi i gidarimi i geuriumi

닿을 때면 들릴 때면

daheul ttaemyeon deullil ttaemyeon

차라리 모른 척 해줘요

charari moreun cheok haejwoyo

그대에게 갈수록 자꾸 겁이 나지만

geudaeege galsurok jakku geobi najiman

이 사랑은 멈출 수가 없네요

i sarangeun meomchul suga eomneyo

- Translation -

Even small pains make me teary

My heart cries out

When i pass by you

You are the whole world

i dream for only you

i hold my breath in front of you

just like you and i aren’t meant to be

just like it’s merely a moment passing by

You pass by me so easily

Even if i can’t go up

and take just a step

You make me walk around

You make me cry

Like an idiot, like a child

Just laugh it off

The closer i get

More scared i get

But this love cannot be stopped

Why is it just my love that is slow

Why is it just my love that is hard

Even if i’m by your side

You are the whole world

i look at only you

i stare into distance in front of you

Just like you’re the end for me

Just like you’re my last moment

You pass by me so easily

Even if i can’t go up

and take just a step

You make me walk around

You make me cry

Like an idiot,like a child

Just laugh it off

The closer i get

Morescared i get

But this love cannot be stopped

From far away

if i can stare at you just for a moment

That is love

When this waiting and yearning

Gets you, and you can hear it

Just pretend nothing happened

The closer i get to you more scared i get

But this love cannot be stopped

ok , the lyrics are touching. i used to like this song alot before i heard " Manyage/If ". This is partially because in one of the episode in We Got Married . Tae yeon sang this for her " husband " aka Hyungdon.

so sweet. go go tae yeon . i love you

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some things in life just set me to ponder. i am living in my own world. everyone does. everyone else have a place of their own in this world. it is called " personal space "

i have my own comfort zone. just like the others. but it just happens that my personal space is much smaller than the space of other people. my space has only space for myself. no matter how sociable i appear to be, my space has yet to accomodate another person.

i have been trying . trying hard to trust this world. it seems hard. maybe because i have my autistic past. i want to allow people into my personal space. am i able ?

maybe someday .

anyway, my ipod of manyage/if has reached 701 playbacks. serious sign of obsession.

thank you taeyeon. for giving me hope in life. i don't know how. listening to your voice keeps me away from suicidal thoughts. thank you .

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got back some of my exam results. here and there. i did my best. i am quite thankful to Him for blessing me for my results. i have to thank tae yeon voice for keeping me company through the multiple nights that i have to study.

with them around , studying has become efficacious. i thank them. i believe in myself . i shall not let myself slack and continue studying hard. i will get there.

i saw a rather cute fan dedication to tae yeon on youtube. yup , as usual , i will upload it to this site.




the music is quite sad though for some reason that i am not aware of . although the melody is rather saddening, the pictures are nice to enjoy. there are happy and sad moments of my angel. i am learning korean in the december holidays. as the koreans always say : " tae yeon FIGHTING "

i shall " FIGHTING " for the last lap as well.

i still love the voice of my angel who appears to be able to play the violin.loves.

sweet dreams my dearest angel

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not much words for the day . haha .

i m just exhausted. youtubing now. then i shall turn in for the night.





the following video is the start of snsd.



nights my angel

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love. can be painful at times. when you are in a relationship, it may ostensibly be sweet , happy and . . .

but to me, i don't want to be in a relationship. it leads to disappointments, fights and sometimes even ruin your mood to do important stuffs. hmmm. . . maybe it is just not the right one yet. i am happy loving my kim tae yeon at a few thousand miles away . i don't exactly know how far am i from her or her homeplace, jeju. but it is alright.

i wish her good night every night before i close my eyes. wish her good morning each day i wake up. it makes me happy " youtubing " to her . to a certain point, i am obsessed with her. sweet ba. i love her cos she is sweet . and most importantly her voice. i don't know why i feel so emotionally attached to her manyaga/if.

on my itunes, i realised that the play count of that song was 397 on my ipod in a mere two weeks since i got that song through a friend. awesome. the high play rate on my ipod could be because i have not listened to any other songs since i got it.

unrequited love of taeyeon is alright for me. i know that i would not stand a chance. i know that the probability of her reading this blog is lower than the chance of striking lottery . but at least, i want to let myself know that i found myself back through her voice. her voice guided me back to who i m .

i m back . thanks to her.

anyway, if you are a fan of snsd, here is a cute video of tae yeon to enjoy. haha .



sleep well tae yeon

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i loathe gossip mongers and people who spread malicious information.

as usual . school was terrible. up to this point in time, i am still unable to fathom why my classmates whose eyes and pride are terribly high would like to belittle and decimate others. it seems weird and astonishing to me . i am alright at eating alone. don't laugh at me .

they suck . totally. i was just trying to find a table to eat when my classmates ostensibly laughed at me because the table that they were sitting at were full and i just had to find somewhere to seat. embarrassed enough . they had to make it worse by mocking at me. well done.

i will forgive them . i am not a weirdo by the way . it is just the class culture whereby the elitist behaviour prevails. they have the mindset of such that outcasting people or you shall be outcast. i chose not to take part in any of their ridiculing behaviour.

nonetheless, our society functions in the same exact manner as my potrayal as written above. how many a times have we stop and clearly ponder whether to criticise a particular person or not? i doubt that there are many who would think clearly before they act. oftenly , they would just pour vitriol over the person existing problem.

antifans of snsd . so be it. if you don't like them, don't criticise them . don't say they suck and stuff. yup , it is not wrong to dislike someone but at least don't criticise them . try being in their positions.hello, they are just trying to earn a living and entertaining us.

why should mankind do something that demeaning . because of our differences ? nah . i think the main assertion for criticism and gossips and . . . serves to protect the individuals . they conjour images which are simple fake .

wise up people . the society has to change . to become more accomodating and less caustic towards one another.

i loathe my classmates. at least, i admit that.

arrogant and ignorant , immature adults.

before you criticise or mock , think twice or even thrice

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i like this song a lot. it is titled 만약에 (Manyage / If). It is sang by my angel taeyeon for the Korean Drama " Hong Gil Dong " . sweet and mellow. quite sad actually. the irony is that, it cheers up me . =) i love tae yeon. . .

Here is the lyrics for those who do not understand korean ( just like me ) . i m considering to learn korean after my studies in 2 months' time. ha . i would like to visit jeju. i think it 's the birthplace of tae yeon. . .

Tada , the lyrics :

Pronunciation of the song

manyage naega kandamyon

naega tagakandamyon

non ottohke saenggak-halgga

yonggil nael su optgo

manyage niga kandamyon

niga ttonakandamyon

nol ottohke ponaeya halji

jakku kobi nanun kol

naega babo gataso

parabol su baggeman

omnun gol amado

wemyonhalchido morul

ni ma-umgwa tto kuraeso

to morojil sa-iga twelkkabwa

chongmal pabo gataso

saranghanda haji

mo-thanun gon amado

mannam twiye kidarinun apume

sulpun nanalturi

turyowoso-in-ga-bwa

manyage niga ondamyon

niga taga-ondamyon

nan ottohke haeyaman halji

chongmaral su omnun gol

naega babo gataso

parabol su baggeman

omnun gol amado

wemyonhalchido morul

ni ma-umgwa tto kuraeso

to morojil sa-iga twelkkabwa

chongmal pabo gataso

saranghanda haji

mo-thanun gon amado

mannam twiye kidarinun apume

sulpun nanalturi

turyowoso-in-ga-bwa

naega babo gataso

saranghanda haji mothanun gon amado

mannam twiye kidarinun apume

sulpun nanalturi

turyowoso-in-ga-bwa

Korean Lyrics

Title: 만약에

Singer: 태연 (소녀시대)

만약에 내가 간다면

내가 다가간다면

넌 어떻게 생각할까

용길 낼 수 없고

만약에 니가 간다면

니가 떠나간다면

널 어떻게 보내야 할지

자꾸 겁이 나는 걸

내가 바보 같아서

바라볼 수 밖에만

없는 건 아마도

외면할지도 모를

니 마음과 또 그래서

더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐

정말 바보 같아서

사랑한다 하지

못하는 건 아마도

만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에

슬픈 나날들이

두려워서인가봐

만약에 니가 온다면

니가 다가온다면

난 어떻게 해야만 할지

정말 알 수 없는 걸

내가 바보 같아서

바라볼 수 밖에만

없는 건 아마도

외면할지도 모를

니 마음과 또 그래서

더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐

정말 바보같아서

사랑한다 하지

못하는 건 아마도

만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에

슬픈 나날들이

두려워서인가봐

내가 바보 같아서

사랑한다 하지 못하는 건 아마도

만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에

슬픈 나날들이

두려워서인가봐

it 's literal meaning in english.

If I were to go

If I were to get close to you

What would you think?

I don’t have the courage

If you were to go

If you were to leave

I don’t know how to send you away

It keeps hanging on my mind

Because I’m like a fool

And can only watch you from afar

Your heart may look away from me

And so

We could even become strangers

Just like a fool

I can’t even say that I love you because

We’re afraid of the waits that come upon us

After we meet…

I’ll be painful and sad

If you were to come

If you were to come near me

What would I do?

I really don’t know

Because I’m like a fool

And can only watch you from afar

Your heart may look away from me

And so

We could even become strangers

Just like a fool

I can’t even say that I love you because

We’re afraid of the waits that come upon us

After we meet…

I’ll be painful and sad

Because I’m like a fool

I can’t even say that I love you because

We’re afraid of the waits that come upon us

After we meet…

I’ll be painful and sad

***************************************************************

i like it . so sweet . ha . melts me totally. =)

the youtube video of her song:


love you taeyeon

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today's post is entitled " a lonesome night ". why did i chose such a title ? hmmm, basically, it 's because i took it from the dance concert that i watched just 2 hours ago.

in my life, i had way too many lonesome nights on my own . watching that choreographed dance " a lonesome night " was a tearjearker for me. it reflected my life on how many nights that i would feel like dying with no one to hear my pleas.

of course , i am wrong for being so suicidal towards the negative things that are occurring in my life. i was being such a naysayer at the point of time. i tried to die, i lost my faith and most importantly, i lost my identity.

after a good friend brought me back to chapel, i realised that i was trapping myself in my own world. yes . but why did i ? a failed relationship. a ruined family. loneliness . all these formed part of the equation for my misery . so what am i driving at ?

that sermon on that particular sunday gave me hope. yes , i may be lonely now. but i know i can listen to His angel voice on my ipod. well, this may be absurd to some people and view me as some obnoxious religious radical out there. i don't care. now i just want to believe in Him , that He will protect me from all evil. He will give me strength to live.

He will make me smile. yes , i am smiling. smiling reading His words, listening to the voices of His angels. haha . to me , that angel is tae yeon. yup , although i may not understand what she is singing but i can feel the sincerity and warmth in her voice. don't label me as a person with compulsive idol addiction behaviour.

i won't try to commit suicide again. but each time if i encounter something sad, i would turn to Him and pray . while listening to my angel's songs




anyway, the video is the last episode for We Got Married between Tae Yeon and Hyungdon. i m quite sad to see them part. . .

good night tae yeon, my angel.

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hello. . . i have to thank tae yeon . a member of SNSD for giving me hope in life. hearing her songs such as " If " and " Can You Hear Me " gave me the strength for continuing my journey in life. she has the voice of the angel which touched my soul. i did meet an angel, like what my pastor said. the only thing that is unique is that , i heard her voice on the radio.

i don't know whether will she chance upon this blog one day . but i just want to thank her for giving me hope in life. the hope that she gave was through her music. to some critics out there , they can be skeptical to my motive. but it 's alright i guess . because to me, her voice did in fact helped me pulled through some difficult moments in my life. the irony is that i am not able to comprehend a single word she sang.

fate works uniquely





that 's my source of hope and joy


- hope in her voice -

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Name:____
Nick: ________
Age:____
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Contact: »email«

BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah BLAH blah

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By Post ★ happy birthday taeyeon
★ grown up
★ 2091
★ ensconced in the vestiges of time
★ taeyeon is awesomely cute
★ lost
★ good life so far
★ ugly imperfections
★ New song : Because I m a girl
★ the common rain

By Month ★ September 2009
★ October 2009
★ November 2009
★ March 2011

maybe some adoptions or visitor content? hehe

on the 9th March 2011

Labels: kim tae yeon

YOUR NAME here / comment (0) / back to the top

i am sitting by at the cafe . typing this post. hmmm . . . taking a short respite admidst my busy schedule.

life is fast when you want it slow.

i was looking at my friends's photos a moment ago. ( short activation of facebook account ) I realised that each and every one of us have grown so much . people come and go . my mood is rather happy . i am at ease with my inner being .

calmness that i have never felt before. maybe i know it is time for me to go soon . i am not afraid of the end .

hmmm . . . he was a close soccer friend and fan of my Arsenal club. we used to kick balls under the hot scorching afternoon sky and waste time sweating doing nonsense. he have a girlfriend now. they looked so sweet together . ha . i feel happy for him . call it envy . call it self-pity .but i guess that 2 best years of my life can never come back again.

<> playing on my ipod seems to re flect the stillness in my life. i feel peace among the raging storms in my life.

i did what i could . i am putting on a facade in front of everyone . ha . it seems like i really did fortify my defences around me . the mask is perfect. i am impervious to my surroundings so as my surroundings is to i

thank you for making the effort to read my nonsensical laments .

will there be really no suffering when a person dies ?

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exams are like in few hours . it is starting to feel as though there is someone clutching my throat with an asphyxiating grip . indeed, time speeds up irrationally and time slows down illogically today. Nonetheless, i will strive hard to do my best to study hard and keep my focus on my goal. i only see one exit right ahead . that is the exit of success. i shall achieve the glory that is fullest to my potential.

yup . once again , tae yeon's songs ( only 3 that i know of ) are playing in the background. they provide with me with the mental endurance and resilience to help me pull through such times. that is my angel for you guys again .

join soshified if you want more updates. Seohyun got into university. So exciting . since she is so busy and she still can study and go in . i believe i could .

go go go .

here is a photo of my angel " stolen " from soshified.com



credits are given to them . haha .

my vision is ensconed in the vestiges of time .

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ok . some quick updates before i go off to study . exams are coming . excited and nervous.

two videos to share.

Chocolate Love By SNSD :


Sunkist Ad in which taeyeon looks so gorgeous :


take care people. =)

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i really don't know how am i going to survive if i lose my grandma. i don 't want it to happen . who can i rely on ? who can i depend on ? who will love me tenderly ? who won't mock at me ? who will cheer me on ? in three words. i don't know.

lost.

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awesome. i can't be out of the school on friday . take that . you selfish arrogant crap. i don't need to breathe in the same air anymore. awesome. PSC scholarship is coming my way . like finally . i will work hard for it.

sing for me , my angel tae yeon.

i will do well.

i got an angel , my family and Him behind me . take that . i shall not be hindered to my climb to success. go go go

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somehow. life is imperfect i know. i have been listening to taeyeon relatively new track : " This is Love ". I would be uploading the translated lyrics during the weekends.

i have matured quite a lot. realised the facade of many people. yup, you can call me a naysayer or one who adopts a pessimistic approach towards life. but that is not the point. the paradox lies in the fact that i m a optimist instead . why , some may ask ? because i adopt a pessimistic view of friendships which is so realistic that it becomes optimistic.

no one can be truly there for you unless you are related to that person by blood. contrary to the common belief that man is a social animal, i believe that everyone of us has a sphere of our own in which no one would be able to trepass the boundary. seemingly, many people are afraid of the idea of being lonely such that the notion of loneliness is perpetuated with much distaste. take a moment to ponder.

stop bitching around behind people's back. if you believe in karma, it would do good for you. well, also try to respect others as well. i certainly try my absolute best to practice what i preach. i will not gossip about others and spread malicious information. adding on , i would not betray my own principles to gain acceptance. considering that my principals are instilled morally.

school is no doubt of paramount importance. i learnt it the hard way. it allows me to not be so myopic. it allows me to beneath the skin of the people around me . they are selfish so am i .but to what extent ?

think about it. loneliness is not a crime. backstabbing others to gain acceptance is simply disgusting.

taeyeon remains perfect in my world. that is what i chose to believe in . the idea of her being perfect gives me some hope in this world.

forgetting the sad things i mentioned above. below are two videos that bring happiness:

HaHaHa campaign by SNSD in S.K to bring smiles on people face due to the global crunch



Following is a mad video of some coke and mentos experiment



gearing up bulwart against the battle tomorrow.

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So Nyeo Shi Dae came up with this new song. Actually it is a subgroup. My angel is singing too . with another of my favourite SeoHyun.

School was just boring as usual. nothing much to update. i am going to get where i want to reach . yes , i can .

Here is the video that i uploaded to youtube :




it is entitled : Because I 'm a Girl

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rain. to some people, the rain can affects one 's mood. mood swings are more common when it is raining. i like the rain. it is so soothing for the soul. came across this set on the web. saw a few cute pictures of the web on this rainy day . it is an interview by tae yeon.

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This song is sang Taeyeon(태연)

It is titled " Can you hear me? (들리나요) "


조금만 아파도 눈물나요

jogeumman apado nunmullayo

가슴이 소리쳐요

gaseumi sorichyeoyo

그대 앞을 그대 곁을 지나면

geudae apeul geudae gyeoteul jinamyeon

온통 세상이 그대인데

ontong sesangi geudaeinde

그대만 그리는데

geudaeman geurineunde

그대 앞에선 숨을 죽여요

geudae apeseon sumeul jugyeoyo

내게 그대가 인연이 아닌 것처럼

naege geudaega inyeoni anin geotcheoreom

그저 스치는 순간인 것처럼

geujeo seuchineun sunganin geotcheoreom

쉽게 날 지나치는 그대 곁에

swipge nal jinachineun geudae gyeote

또 다가가 한 걸음조차

tto dagaga han georeumjocha

채 뗄 수 없을지라도

chae ttel su eobseuljirado

서성이게 해 눈물짓게 해..

seoseongige hae nunmuljitge hae..

바보처럼 아이처럼

babocheoreom aicheoreom

차라리 그냥 웃어버려

charari geunyang useobeoryeo

점점 다가 설수록

jeomjeom daga seolsurok

자꾸 겁이 나지만

jakku geobi najiman

이 사랑은 멈출 수가 없나봐

i sarangeun meomchul suga eomnabwa

왜 내 사랑만 더딘거죠

wae nae sarangman deodingeojyo

내 사랑만 힘들죠

nae sarangman himdeuljyo

그대 앞에 그대 곁에 있어도

geudae ape geudae gyeote isseodo

온통 세상이 그대인데

ontong sesangi geudaeinde

그대만 보이는데

geudaeman boineunde

그대 앞에선 난 먼 곳만 봐요

geudae apeseon nan meon gotman bwayo

내게 그대가 꼭 마지막 인 것처럼

naege geudaega kkok majimak in geotcheoreom

내게 마지막 순간인 것처럼

naege majimak sunganin geotcheoreom

쉽게 날 지나치는 그대 곁에

swipge nal jinachineun geudae gyeote

또 다가가 한걸음 조차

tto dagaga hangeoreum jocha

채 뗄 수 없을지라도

chae ttel su eobseuljirado

서성이게 해 눈물짓게 해

seoseongige hae nunmuljitge hae

바보처럼 아이처럼 차라리 그냥 웃어버려

babocheoreom aicheoreom charari geunyang useobeoryeo

점점 다가 설수록 자꾸 겁이 나지만

jeomjeom daga seolsurok jakku geobi najiman

이 사랑은 멈출 수가 없나봐

i sarangeun meomchul suga eomnabwa

먼 발치서 나 잠시라도

meon balchiseo na jamsirado

그대 바라볼 수 있어도

geudae barabol su isseodo

그게 사랑이죠

geuge sarangijyo

혹시 이 기다림이 이 그리움이

hoksi i gidarimi i geuriumi

닿을 때면 들릴 때면

daheul ttaemyeon deullil ttaemyeon

차라리 모른 척 해줘요

charari moreun cheok haejwoyo

그대에게 갈수록 자꾸 겁이 나지만

geudaeege galsurok jakku geobi najiman

이 사랑은 멈출 수가 없네요

i sarangeun meomchul suga eomneyo

- Translation -

Even small pains make me teary

My heart cries out

When i pass by you

You are the whole world

i dream for only you

i hold my breath in front of you

just like you and i aren’t meant to be

just like it’s merely a moment passing by

You pass by me so easily

Even if i can’t go up

and take just a step

You make me walk around

You make me cry

Like an idiot, like a child

Just laugh it off

The closer i get

More scared i get

But this love cannot be stopped

Why is it just my love that is slow

Why is it just my love that is hard

Even if i’m by your side

You are the whole world

i look at only you

i stare into distance in front of you

Just like you’re the end for me

Just like you’re my last moment

You pass by me so easily

Even if i can’t go up

and take just a step

You make me walk around

You make me cry

Like an idiot,like a child

Just laugh it off

The closer i get

Morescared i get

But this love cannot be stopped

From far away

if i can stare at you just for a moment

That is love

When this waiting and yearning

Gets you, and you can hear it

Just pretend nothing happened

The closer i get to you more scared i get

But this love cannot be stopped

ok , the lyrics are touching. i used to like this song alot before i heard " Manyage/If ". This is partially because in one of the episode in We Got Married . Tae yeon sang this for her " husband " aka Hyungdon.

so sweet. go go tae yeon . i love you

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some things in life just set me to ponder. i am living in my own world. everyone does. everyone else have a place of their own in this world. it is called " personal space "

i have my own comfort zone. just like the others. but it just happens that my personal space is much smaller than the space of other people. my space has only space for myself. no matter how sociable i appear to be, my space has yet to accomodate another person.

i have been trying . trying hard to trust this world. it seems hard. maybe because i have my autistic past. i want to allow people into my personal space. am i able ?

maybe someday .

anyway, my ipod of manyage/if has reached 701 playbacks. serious sign of obsession.

thank you taeyeon. for giving me hope in life. i don't know how. listening to your voice keeps me away from suicidal thoughts. thank you .

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got back some of my exam results. here and there. i did my best. i am quite thankful to Him for blessing me for my results. i have to thank tae yeon voice for keeping me company through the multiple nights that i have to study.

with them around , studying has become efficacious. i thank them. i believe in myself . i shall not let myself slack and continue studying hard. i will get there.

i saw a rather cute fan dedication to tae yeon on youtube. yup , as usual , i will upload it to this site.




the music is quite sad though for some reason that i am not aware of . although the melody is rather saddening, the pictures are nice to enjoy. there are happy and sad moments of my angel. i am learning korean in the december holidays. as the koreans always say : " tae yeon FIGHTING "

i shall " FIGHTING " for the last lap as well.

i still love the voice of my angel who appears to be able to play the violin.loves.

sweet dreams my dearest angel

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not much words for the day . haha .

i m just exhausted. youtubing now. then i shall turn in for the night.





the following video is the start of snsd.



nights my angel

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love. can be painful at times. when you are in a relationship, it may ostensibly be sweet , happy and . . .

but to me, i don't want to be in a relationship. it leads to disappointments, fights and sometimes even ruin your mood to do important stuffs. hmmm. . . maybe it is just not the right one yet. i am happy loving my kim tae yeon at a few thousand miles away . i don't exactly know how far am i from her or her homeplace, jeju. but it is alright.

i wish her good night every night before i close my eyes. wish her good morning each day i wake up. it makes me happy " youtubing " to her . to a certain point, i am obsessed with her. sweet ba. i love her cos she is sweet . and most importantly her voice. i don't know why i feel so emotionally attached to her manyaga/if.

on my itunes, i realised that the play count of that song was 397 on my ipod in a mere two weeks since i got that song through a friend. awesome. the high play rate on my ipod could be because i have not listened to any other songs since i got it.

unrequited love of taeyeon is alright for me. i know that i would not stand a chance. i know that the probability of her reading this blog is lower than the chance of striking lottery . but at least, i want to let myself know that i found myself back through her voice. her voice guided me back to who i m .

i m back . thanks to her.

anyway, if you are a fan of snsd, here is a cute video of tae yeon to enjoy. haha .



sleep well tae yeon

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i loathe gossip mongers and people who spread malicious information.

as usual . school was terrible. up to this point in time, i am still unable to fathom why my classmates whose eyes and pride are terribly high would like to belittle and decimate others. it seems weird and astonishing to me . i am alright at eating alone. don't laugh at me .

they suck . totally. i was just trying to find a table to eat when my classmates ostensibly laughed at me because the table that they were sitting at were full and i just had to find somewhere to seat. embarrassed enough . they had to make it worse by mocking at me. well done.

i will forgive them . i am not a weirdo by the way . it is just the class culture whereby the elitist behaviour prevails. they have the mindset of such that outcasting people or you shall be outcast. i chose not to take part in any of their ridiculing behaviour.

nonetheless, our society functions in the same exact manner as my potrayal as written above. how many a times have we stop and clearly ponder whether to criticise a particular person or not? i doubt that there are many who would think clearly before they act. oftenly , they would just pour vitriol over the person existing problem.

antifans of snsd . so be it. if you don't like them, don't criticise them . don't say they suck and stuff. yup , it is not wrong to dislike someone but at least don't criticise them . try being in their positions.hello, they are just trying to earn a living and entertaining us.

why should mankind do something that demeaning . because of our differences ? nah . i think the main assertion for criticism and gossips and . . . serves to protect the individuals . they conjour images which are simple fake .

wise up people . the society has to change . to become more accomodating and less caustic towards one another.

i loathe my classmates. at least, i admit that.

arrogant and ignorant , immature adults.

before you criticise or mock , think twice or even thrice

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i like this song a lot. it is titled 만약에 (Manyage / If). It is sang by my angel taeyeon for the Korean Drama " Hong Gil Dong " . sweet and mellow. quite sad actually. the irony is that, it cheers up me . =) i love tae yeon. . .

Here is the lyrics for those who do not understand korean ( just like me ) . i m considering to learn korean after my studies in 2 months' time. ha . i would like to visit jeju. i think it 's the birthplace of tae yeon. . .

Tada , the lyrics :

Pronunciation of the song

manyage naega kandamyon

naega tagakandamyon

non ottohke saenggak-halgga

yonggil nael su optgo

manyage niga kandamyon

niga ttonakandamyon

nol ottohke ponaeya halji

jakku kobi nanun kol

naega babo gataso

parabol su baggeman

omnun gol amado

wemyonhalchido morul

ni ma-umgwa tto kuraeso

to morojil sa-iga twelkkabwa

chongmal pabo gataso

saranghanda haji

mo-thanun gon amado

mannam twiye kidarinun apume

sulpun nanalturi

turyowoso-in-ga-bwa

manyage niga ondamyon

niga taga-ondamyon

nan ottohke haeyaman halji

chongmaral su omnun gol

naega babo gataso

parabol su baggeman

omnun gol amado

wemyonhalchido morul

ni ma-umgwa tto kuraeso

to morojil sa-iga twelkkabwa

chongmal pabo gataso

saranghanda haji

mo-thanun gon amado

mannam twiye kidarinun apume

sulpun nanalturi

turyowoso-in-ga-bwa

naega babo gataso

saranghanda haji mothanun gon amado

mannam twiye kidarinun apume

sulpun nanalturi

turyowoso-in-ga-bwa

Korean Lyrics

Title: 만약에

Singer: 태연 (소녀시대)

만약에 내가 간다면

내가 다가간다면

넌 어떻게 생각할까

용길 낼 수 없고

만약에 니가 간다면

니가 떠나간다면

널 어떻게 보내야 할지

자꾸 겁이 나는 걸

내가 바보 같아서

바라볼 수 밖에만

없는 건 아마도

외면할지도 모를

니 마음과 또 그래서

더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐

정말 바보 같아서

사랑한다 하지

못하는 건 아마도

만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에

슬픈 나날들이

두려워서인가봐

만약에 니가 온다면

니가 다가온다면

난 어떻게 해야만 할지

정말 알 수 없는 걸

내가 바보 같아서

바라볼 수 밖에만

없는 건 아마도

외면할지도 모를

니 마음과 또 그래서

더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐

정말 바보같아서

사랑한다 하지

못하는 건 아마도

만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에

슬픈 나날들이

두려워서인가봐

내가 바보 같아서

사랑한다 하지 못하는 건 아마도

만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에

슬픈 나날들이

두려워서인가봐

it 's literal meaning in english.

If I were to go

If I were to get close to you

What would you think?

I don’t have the courage

If you were to go

If you were to leave

I don’t know how to send you away

It keeps hanging on my mind

Because I’m like a fool

And can only watch you from afar

Your heart may look away from me

And so

We could even become strangers

Just like a fool

I can’t even say that I love you because

We’re afraid of the waits that come upon us

After we meet…

I’ll be painful and sad

If you were to come

If you were to come near me

What would I do?

I really don’t know

Because I’m like a fool

And can only watch you from afar

Your heart may look away from me

And so

We could even become strangers

Just like a fool

I can’t even say that I love you because

We’re afraid of the waits that come upon us

After we meet…

I’ll be painful and sad

Because I’m like a fool

I can’t even say that I love you because

We’re afraid of the waits that come upon us

After we meet…

I’ll be painful and sad

***************************************************************

i like it . so sweet . ha . melts me totally. =)

the youtube video of her song:


love you taeyeon

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today's post is entitled " a lonesome night ". why did i chose such a title ? hmmm, basically, it 's because i took it from the dance concert that i watched just 2 hours ago.

in my life, i had way too many lonesome nights on my own . watching that choreographed dance " a lonesome night " was a tearjearker for me. it reflected my life on how many nights that i would feel like dying with no one to hear my pleas.

of course , i am wrong for being so suicidal towards the negative things that are occurring in my life. i was being such a naysayer at the point of time. i tried to die, i lost my faith and most importantly, i lost my identity.

after a good friend brought me back to chapel, i realised that i was trapping myself in my own world. yes . but why did i ? a failed relationship. a ruined family. loneliness . all these formed part of the equation for my misery . so what am i driving at ?

that sermon on that particular sunday gave me hope. yes , i may be lonely now. but i know i can listen to His angel voice on my ipod. well, this may be absurd to some people and view me as some obnoxious religious radical out there. i don't care. now i just want to believe in Him , that He will protect me from all evil. He will give me strength to live.

He will make me smile. yes , i am smiling. smiling reading His words, listening to the voices of His angels. haha . to me , that angel is tae yeon. yup , although i may not understand what she is singing but i can feel the sincerity and warmth in her voice. don't label me as a person with compulsive idol addiction behaviour.

i won't try to commit suicide again. but each time if i encounter something sad, i would turn to Him and pray . while listening to my angel's songs




anyway, the video is the last episode for We Got Married between Tae Yeon and Hyungdon. i m quite sad to see them part. . .

good night tae yeon, my angel.

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hello. . . i have to thank tae yeon . a member of SNSD for giving me hope in life. hearing her songs such as " If " and " Can You Hear Me " gave me the strength for continuing my journey in life. she has the voice of the angel which touched my soul. i did meet an angel, like what my pastor said. the only thing that is unique is that , i heard her voice on the radio.

i don't know whether will she chance upon this blog one day . but i just want to thank her for giving me hope in life. the hope that she gave was through her music. to some critics out there , they can be skeptical to my motive. but it 's alright i guess . because to me, her voice did in fact helped me pulled through some difficult moments in my life. the irony is that i am not able to comprehend a single word she sang.

fate works uniquely





that 's my source of hope and joy


- hope in her voice -

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